Up for a spot of ending? Life-ending that is.

Kyrgyzstan might be for you! Pheasants, ducks: they were ended. Sheep, if they’re not going to feed their young, better end them too. Mushrooms: there are plenty of them to chase, hunt and end after a good dose of rain. Shock absorbers, they get ended pretty quickly on Kyrgyz roads: pocked with pot-holes, and camels.

Of course the birds will need plucking, the mushrooms attending to, the horses will fancy a ride, and the hills a good hike – when it’s not hailing.

And to ensure you don’t end yourself, avoid the vodka at 50p a bottle, make sure your shashlik is cooked through, and when things do go wrong check out the Bishkek home delivery medical services! Drips: not a problem, enemas come as an added bonus, in the other end.

Kyrgyzstan September – October '09